Forever I will be with You
Hillsongs – Forever
Album: The I Heart Revolution
I’ll Worship at Your Throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I’ll sing
For You my Dad and King
I’ll live for all my days
To Put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It’ll be for eternity
And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
That You showed me through the cross
I’ll worship You my God
I’ll worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You
this song was speaking to my soul just as i was on my way home from my Lunar New Year Celebrations. I was looking at the scenery pass by when this line came up, “And You said that all You feel for me, Is Undying LOVE” God bridged an unfathomable rift between us, human, to just show us his love, so through Jesus himself he showed the world ultimate LOVE. My GOD! you really do love me huh, you who is are reading this i believe he loves you too. =)
leaving this bunch of people in army is really bittersweet i dont really know how to feel when the day comes that i have to surrender my passes and cards. Just 5 more months. this is relatively short.
as i’m typing this post, so many feelings are running through my head, i guess i’m just really blessed in my life thus far, looking back Jesus really never gave up on me, i had a dark period in my poly life i was just a church go-er yet he still showed that he is faithful giving me many opportunities and chances and brilliant opportunities. GOD is fantastic. i’m not a believer in co-incidence, God always has you within is best plan, no way anyone can screw up so bad you fall out of his plan for you. =) fantastic! happy new year!
Sorry, this video is the version from the album Best Friend. 
thoughts.
i have been wanting to do this post for the longest time, i guess procrastination is one of my middle names already.
looking at my stint in the _ _ _, i am already at the point where people would call the last leg. 5months left to my freedom, call me whatever but i think i’m about to say something i would not say when i first enlisted, i think i’m getting quite used to the wake up early life, get to work, slog it out, come home to dinner, not to forget all the backbiting and shit that happens during the day, well at my place in the _ _ _, the shit hits the fan daily. well i guess i dont really like change. looking at what lies before me, everything seems bleak, i want to study yet my options are few and i feel sad that i know so little.
*digression* sometimes i wonder if i could have actually done better in poly. seriously, i personally think i have never completed my education at any stage without at least fucking it up once. i’ll never forget 1st sem year 2. i failed a module in poly, *gasp* where am i going? fading away? sigh… and i met friends new friends who were actually very very nice! *digression* haha, God never fails.
now my future study venue is really troubling me, accreditation, is it really that important? i’m stuck what if i get a lousy degree? i’ll be dead is that it? hmmm. it’s really stressful. but how do people actually even make such decisions. the repercussions are just immense and just how big of a difference will it make? i’m just still quite sore i didnt even get anything close to what i wanted. but i wonder if God knows better. i’m really at a point where there is so much uncertainty around me, financial, econnomical, now my own problems, my usuallt carefree life is gone, when did my bubble burst? am i alone? everything just doesnt seem to fall into place. it’s like fitting a pebble in a coke bottle! you know it can fit inside but why is the opening so small? did i get the wrong coke bottle? sigh!
all these years i thought lydia was the only one for me, but yet that was taken away, i realised i dont know how to love anymore, did i give all my heart away? this is probably the hardest part of this post, i find myself empty, i find myself walking down a cobblestone road in my dreams, alone. previously i was me and her frolicking *makes me think of yoghurt* around down the knobbly hilly cobblestone roads, now i have occassional company and yet mostly i’m lonely.
recently, i self hurt cos i read too much went too deep, because i was lonely. loneliness is really sucky.
i want to go somewhere sit, read my book, see no other humans. cos i want to be alone and not lonely. i realised i only feel lonely with i see other people with other people. i have so many books to finish, 2 magazines of my favourite stuff, and QT.
my heart is really heavy, i think it’s growing limbs to strangle itself. i sometimes struggle to breathe yet i dont do my meds, trying to find out how it may feel like to die, my reason to jump into the frigid waters at telunas that’s why there was no scream. my life is worthless.
God, i messed up pretty well eh?
hope
well, i know i’m not supposed to say this.
BUT CLARENCE! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! YOU’RE A FUCKING DREAMER! YOU NEED TO BUILD CASTLES ON THE GROUND NOT IN THE CLOUDS OR ON THE SAND!
HOW DID YOU LOSE YOUR EDGE? FUCK YOU!
BE STRONG! 2009 will BITE YOUR ASS IF YOU’RE WEAK!
I WILL BE STRONGER AND BETTER! COME 2009. I AM READY! MY GOD IS AWESOMER THAN YOU THINK!
IN GOD I TRUST!
