life is…
why can’t life be simple; sit down on the grassy knoll, watching the birds fly free & around, as they were pilots doing loops and rolls all without the huge roar of engines and egos of humans, hearing the rustle from the grass as the cool breeze caresses the blades making them wave in sync, making it look like they are dancing to a silent melody orchestrated by a grandmaster. ever noticed leaves and twigs getting caught in a little eddies of wind unseen by the eye but evident from the circular motions but the fallen leaves and twigs. unfathomable, fallen leaves deemed useless, sometimes ugly, and deathly can conjure up such emotions of happiness and refresh the pursuit of simplicity in life. maybe i just need to trust my Awesome God. p.s. had a bad day. today. never started right, never will end right. maybe sleeping would be the first right thing i do. weariness in the eyelids and pains in the back.
Life…/ Superchick’s awesome “We Live” video.
lyrics:
“We Live” http://youtube.com/watch?v=7kuBgh0VCqI
There’s a cross on the side of the road
Where a mother lost her son
How could she know that the morning he left
Would be the last time she’d trade with him for a little more time
(so she could say she loved him one last time)
And hold him tight
But with life we never know when we’re coming up to the end of the road
So what do we do then
With tragedy around the bend
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
There’s a man who waits for the tests to
See if the cancer had spread yet
And now he asks why did I wait to live ’til it was time to die
If I could have the time back, how I’d live
Life is such a gift
So how does the story end?
Well, this is your story and it all depends
So don’t let it become true
Get out and do what we were meant to do
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
Waking up to another dark morning
People are mourning
The weather in life outside is storming
But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day
Is a gift somehow, someway
And get our heads up out of this darkness
And spark this new mindset and start on with life cuz it ain’t gone yet
And tragedy’s a reminder to take off the blinders and wake up
(to live the life)
We’re supposed to take up
(moving forward)
With all our heads up
Cuz life is worth living
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
Today, was the first day of my ow freedom from my disappointment, returning to work i just felt emotionless. i guess i feel encouraged that i am big and gentle. it’s a bit gay-ish. but i mean what’s new with that? looking at that song just gives me more reason to live, to love, to forgive and never to give up cos the days we are given are gifts from (God) above. i guess it is very smart to add forgive in there i mean bearing grudges is like giving your frail lacerating your heart over and over. i guess the unseen emotional toxins would eat away all the goodness in you till some major cataclysmic catastrophe hits you, and you find out your days are really numbered. would you still be able to live? love? and forgive? i asked myself that today moments before this post was conceived.
hmmm the frailty of life and the brilliance of it all. our lives are but a spec of dust on the long line called eternity. even legends pass from generation to generation have to be viewed by a good magnifying glass on the long line of eternity. will your love lead to actions, deeds, thoughts, habits, and finally a charater that will stand the test of time? time is relentless ever moving never stopping never hastening, ever constant. either healing past hurts, or deepening new wounds. unforgiveness is like a plague, wiping out all the good one can ever do, all the wonders of forgiveness that my Saviour preaches about, the very essence of the greatest message for all to hear and feel not with our hearts but with the souls given to us the very day we were conceived. unfathomable grace, everlasting mercies. my wonderful Saviour Jesus. please be close to my heart, hold my hand, walk with me, thank you for your forgiveness.
gloomy sunday
today was just weird, my first sunday in a long time where i really felt lonely and just found myself reaching for my PSP alot. i dont really like to do that in church. this is the place where my heart loves, my friends, my brothers, and sisters, sometimes i just feel that this is where i can live forever. dont need to leave just singing and praising, talking, fellowshipping, slacking, chilling, playing, and anything. sigh, it was awfully quiet and yes basically nothing to do. i guess i didnt really feel the warmly homely vibe today. maybe i did too much running? but thena gain i wasnt tired. i guess i was just not in tune. sigh. monday is tomorrow, more work impending for me. more expectations to meet. more feelings to get stolen, more of my life to be sucked out by army. more of me to lose to the world.
i struggle to find meaning in waking up every single day, i only have one to please my heavenly Father. but i’m getting tired, relying on myself, i havent learnt the art of relying on Jesus. as much as i want to i am unable to find peace and quiet. i need Jesus to be my motivation. Jesus please read look at my heart, please be my motivation, be my reason to wake up everyday.
‘i need you i need you i need you, you’re all i’m living for’ – jars of clay
yes. mondays are good. we need to love mondays.
old song new thoughts.
BREATHE ON ME
FISHER, LUCY
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dis-ə-ˈpȯint-mənt
- Main Entry:
- dis·ap·point·ment
- Pronunciation:
- see above title.
- Function:
- noun
- Date:
- 1604
1 : the act or an instance of disappointing : the state or emotion of being disappointed
2: one that disappoints <he’s a disappointment to his parent
i think i’m a disappointment
i just seem to fail to meet everyones expectations.
i just fail.
i just want to be me.
not what other people want me to be or do for that matter
-end-
wait for next post i don’t know when, happy weekends.
happybirthday
well one of my few friends in army is having his birthday on the 5th of May. so today we went to joe’s to celebrate his birthday. it was fun! at the same time, another guy from my team will be leaving us. going to BMTC2 Tekong. sigh. it seems my Ma’ams have high hopes on me. suddenly, i was reminded about that phrase that Rev Abel Thomas preacher about the last time he was here, he said “the more skilled you are, the more dangerous you are because PEOPLE TRUST YOU.” sometimes i think about all these wonderful things God has given me, i just cant help but feel so unworthy and lowly. like why would someone who sees my evil, my sin and my disastrous life bestow so much favour on me? that’s why i always just feel this need to be the best i can be so that i won’t forsake the expectations on me. trusting God to carry me through each project i’m given. sigh. my heart has not felt light and unburdened in a long time. i need help. i’m lonely.
sometimes..
i feel lonely, i seriously struggle to find the meaning in my existence. hmmm. i admire people who know what they live for, be it God, money, love, sex, whatever. but seriously, it’s tough to find why God put you where you are, i have started to realise that humans are indeed simple creatures.
well, here is my example, look at a recent event, there are so many choices you could have made differently, things you could have done differently, ideas you could have held on to but you did the opposite, and you simply can’t comprehend why all the above happened, so we humans call it random, luck, and whatever else similar. Aren’t we just negligent and naive? it’s definitely in someone else’s control. without control do you think the earth will rotate so we have day and night? hmmm. i guess it is utterly futile to just try to comprehend/ understand, my point here is just fucking believe, cos if you dont you’re most probably dead and not thinking anymore. believe something, if you want to believe what i believe, ask me. (: i’ll try to help you. or whoever. whatever. however i can. you know i’ll help.
xoxo,
someone that believes in un-randomity
a very unrandom post.
here’s a song for you, my dear reader.
Lord of Lords =)
Beholding your beauty is all I long for
To worship You Jesus with my soul’s desire
For this very heart you have shaped for your pleasure
For the purpose to lift your name high
Hear and surrender in pure adoration
I enter your courts with an offering of praise
I am your servant come to bring you glory
As is fit for the work of your hands
Now Unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
All of creation resounds with the song
Worship and praise the Lord of Lords
The spirit now living and dwelling within me
Keep my eyes fixed ever upon Jesus’ face
Let not the things of this world ever sway me
I’ll run ’till I finish the race
Singing unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
All of creation resounds with the song (2nd time All of eternity echoes the song)
Worship and praise the Lord of Lords
BRIDGE:
Holy Lord
You are Holy
Jesus Christ
Is the Lord
a series of unfortunate & fortunate events…
first off, i woke up started my day late went to SMU to hand in my wonderful poly results. yay! wonderful! i did it in record time. went next to ICA building, to do my passport so that i can go for church camp. what a perfect day it has been so many thing done all before 12pm. nice. went to TAB. met jw, went to uncle wee seng’s office. here’s where it got complicated. hilarious i tell you.
uncle wee seng asked nervin( Uncle WS’s PA) to send him something using the i-net com which is located at a ulu part of the building so he left the room. out of the blue, jw was given a mission. 2 diet coke, requested by some random LTC Kevin i think. oh noess. we had to leave the room we thought nervin had the key so the Comd PA, jocelyn i think locked the door. hahaha, after buying drinks, we headed back to the room. *fear* we locked ourselves out of the office. we are dead! uncle wee seng is gonna kill kill kill us. we used paper clips and everything hoping to get into uncle wee seng’s office. but no. we couldn’t left with no other option, we headed to chevrons in jurong east, to meet the BOSS. MWO TAN WEE SENG. ahhh… fear suddenly struck us, the meeting he was conducting might be a formal event where all the WOs might have been in uniform. but no. Uncle Wee Seng as we usually call him is in a pretty cheery mood, he just told us to be more careful. haha. so it was ok. =) phew. on the way out i realised i was carrying my camera phone. OH NO! it had to be taken hostage by the base to vet thru the contents, now i await my fate. i think i’ll be getting a few extras so yea. sigh. feeling sad now. please save me. someone? anyone? hmmm. so we went to uncle Henry’s house for dinner. aunty carol cooked. it was a nice dinner, after we cut the cake for JW, and headed to the hospital and he was super surprised that i went to visit him. so cool. Uncle Henry said something that i thought was quite startling, “i think you have the character to be a counsellor/ Social worker”. cool. but this is a profession my dad wont really like me to be in. =/ i guess. hahaha. that’s digression, back to the story, as we were leaving the hospital. we ran into uncle KG and Auntie Diana, with Ben rolling in on a wheelchair, he had food poisoning. said a prayer for him and we were finally on the way back home. what a day.
i was utterly exhausted at the end of it. so yea. sorry lyd, cas & val, i didnt really talk last night. too tired and exhausted. all the running around has taken it toll. =D i’m going to burnout soon i think i just get this awkward feeling.
hold my hand as i slip into dreamland…
sigh. yet again. i get this heavy hearted feeling and it’s perpetually weighing me down. i’m so tired, emotionally. after todays worship, i feel so rejuvenated. it’s just nice to play with vin. it’s like i know where he wants to take the song with each stroke and it’s almost instinctive. it’s relaxing to be able to focus on God while playing bass is really cool. it happens but rarely. sigh. are my dreams getting the better of me?
recently, i have been doing lots of thinking and just day dreaming. i guess there’s not much i’m living for really. my biggest reason to stay alive is my God. cos i want to trust Him with my life and i’m learning to slowly slowly trust him with more of my life. sigh. sometimes, i miss me. i guess i’m changing and i’m still gonna change more. there’s so much more i wanna say, but i cant know if it’s appropriate. ok i’ll do my own code. =)
vigtg ctg vyq iktnu vicv k nkmg qpg qh vigo ku oa eqwukp’u hncog, vjg qvjgt ycu oa eqwukp’u hncog uqogvkog dcem.
i feel alone today. hence for the title. goodnight world.
saturday morning!
hmm it’s saturday. i feel like going out. do some walking some exercise. i feel drained. i feel like i have lost my motivation to work. i think i have been depending on myself too much. eating into my own heart and soul to cheer people around me. leaving me a emo soul. sometimes God really whispers to in good times and screams in your pain. (stolen phrase) =X. well friday was cool, had some NS Workplan Seminar. i guess that’s where big people talk and small people work. haha. had a nice time at bag talking about restitution and penance.
- Main Entry:
- res·ti·tu·tion
- Pronunciation:
- \ˌres-tə-ˈtü-shən, -ˈtyü-\
- Function:
- noun
- Etymology:
- Middle English restitucioun, from Anglo-French, from Latin restitution-, restitutio, from restituere to restore, from re- + statuere to set up — more at statute
- Date:
- 14th century
- Main Entry:
- 1pen·ance
- Pronunciation:
- \ˈpe-nən(t)s\
- Function:
- noun
- Etymology:
- Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Medieval Latin poenitentia penitence
- Date:
- 14th century
Sometimes, just sometimes, BAG feels like an English Lesson. with some ethical dilemmas like what should you do, if you saw X happen? scenarios we face on a day-to-day basis. do good or do evil or even simply do nothing? hmmm. i guess i do love my BAG. it’s fun fun fun! i mean i get to discuss personal struggles and all that in a totally neutral environment. it’s fantastic. like chicken soup for the soul in real time. copious amounts of chicken soup for the soul. i feel so rejuvenated after BAG. my spirits feel so much better. happy no, joyful! it’s like as if my spirits was having a long lasting sugar rush. =) i think if everyone attended BAG. WW1 and WW2 might not have happened. hahahA my perfect world.
