scraps of broken dreams

What Happened to All the Nice Guys? I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the guys and ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.

To the guys out there, you probably remember this pathetic person called the nice guy in your vicinity who would always be there for you. You often laughed at him for all the help he rendered cause he was way too much of an easy target for you. You could easily make use of him right under his nose without him even knowing. You know what, you were right. It doesn’t pay to be nice, cause the world deems ‘nice’ as a negative aspect in the social dictionary now. Mr. Nice Guy was there to help you out in times of need, cover your ass when you needed to be protected cause you were too busy partying last night, listen to you when you went on and on whining about how your girlfriend cheated on you, but at the end of the day did you recognize any of his deeds? You end up telling him he’s over-emotional by doing all those and should probably act like a man. You diss him off for being too nice and tell him to start having a mind of his own, after which you too unleashed your silent killer moves behind his back to have him clean up all your dirty laundry and tarnish his reputation. All this so you can get ahead in what you do. Ahh how convenient, Mr Nice Guy probably wouldn’t even suspect or place a finger on you cause he places all his trust on you as a pal.

You had to exacerbate the situation by telling Mr. Nice Guy that nice guys finish last in the race, and thanks to youthey probably have it drilled right into their heads now looking at the fact that they probably heard it a gazillion times to actually ignore that mindset. It subconsciously sank in and influenced their behaviours, so if you find yourself lacking someone to help you in dire times or play the role of Mr Nice Guy, you really shouldn’t blame him for changing and playing nasty. That’s awfully disgusting. Instead turn the finger on yourself, give yourself a resounding pat on the back and thank yourself for turning him into the guy that he is today. Get it, thank yourself.

So what happened to the nice guys out there? You did.

To the ladies out there, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were with treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behaviour was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren’t dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship.

So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. You rejected Mr Nice Guy cause you were afraid you would be laughed at. Afterall, when it comes down to having a boyfriend, the tall, goodlooking, charming, rich, stylish ones would more or less justify the type of social status you were at. You wanted to be high up the social ladder, no way would you swoop down to fit Mr Nice Guy. Ridiculous. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners specially for you, or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab a hold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If only you were five years younger …

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve screwed yourself up. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly as hell doesn’t want you, now.

Yours sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy.

PS this was lifted

so, twenty ten, you are finally here.  sometimes, i’d rather not have ORDed. ahbollocks, i have so much emotions pent up and i’m not able to type it out, it’s so hard to really believe and trust people. i try to be trusting and kind, but i guess being those 2 at the same time is just retarded by logical man, it’s somewhat a perfect set up to get hurt. someone from faraway draws a knive, you know you’re gonna be hurting so you brace, someone beside draws a knife you think they gonna cook and make food. WRONG. STAB. STAB. STAB. oh. wait, blood? who are you? oh wait.

no.

i’m gone.

i know i’m hurt.

God took away the guilt.

when will the wounds close?

when will my eyes see?

most times, being bad and unkind sometimes is really easier. tempting prospects, happier. i dont know, but i’m sure old man called me to love. but with a heart comprising of 10 parts, how do i love? do i have enough redmass to consider applying for a heart permit. falling asleep on a broken heart seems to be the norm these days for me. sometimes putting on a front does ease the pain from the outside in, sometimes the brokeness from the inside seeps out.

oh my! i’m at 1 health! anyone has a med-pack?

-dead silence-

i find me, alone. gvdl pgg cjbudi! j epo’u offe zpv!

hello wordpress,

i’m feeling sad and empty, drained and dry, i miss being sopping wet in God’s presence. i think i’m in a desert now, with many people alongside me, good thing they are there or i’d just give up and let the hot sands cook me and the dry heat roast me to a nice golden brown texture. i guess sometimes head knowledge can only pull you up that much after that it’s all just gibberish. like quoting bible verses to me, telling me what God thinks of me. i want something tangible to just squeeze life back into me!  guess what, i think freedom isnt all it’s cooked up to be, afer i ORD, after i done my internship freedom just means more rest. that’s all there is to it. nothing more. which to me is kinda boring. i rather have goals and things i feeling like doing. meeting up with friends over coffee/ beer/ alcohol is really another nice thing i like to do. i mean friends is something i love having, no matter where they are from their backgrounds, i just like talking to them, being part of their life.

i’m at a point of my life known as a decision making point. i guess

and boys. just so troublesome sometimes. i feel like a driftwood.

not meant to be understood.

Seems like everyone else has a love just for them,
I don’t mind, we have such a good time,
My best friend, but sometimes, well,
I wish we could be more than friends,
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
Oh..

I get so breathless, when you call my name,
I’ve often wondered, do you feel the same?
There’s a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity
When we’re all alone,
So don’t tell me
You can’t see
What I’m thinking of.

I can understand that you don’t want to cross the line,
And you know i can’t promise you things,
Will turn out fine,
But i have to be honest, I want you to be mine
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
Oh…

I get so breathless, when you call my name,
I’ve often wondered, do you feel the same?
There’s a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity
When we’re all alone,
So don’t tell me
You can’t see
Oh!

‘Cause I’ve tried to do this right in your own time
I’ve been telling with my eyes, my heart’s on fire,
Why don’t you realise?
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
I get so breathless…

who are you? my miss right? God help me….

hello wordpress,

i’m back! well i was recently asked by some friends to actually blog about my internship. i would actually, i am really starting to realize that the church is really no different to any other organization. there will always be irritating people present, there is no perfect organization. even a pastor somewhere once said, if you have no problems in your church, your church is bad is bad for you LEAVE immediately! either that, or you are just simply delusional. so i’m starting to see this. i’m glad i’m in a proper church, there are problems. i’m glad i have no negative feelings, but i guess in the midst of the matter/ situation it’s different. but then again i’m not one to bear much grudges. the biggest difference in the church is that everyone has one common culture, we are all royalty in the kingdom ushering God’s love to the people of this sunny island. we do what we do because of love. i really understand how this love is translated, honouring others, confronting people, God’s love allows us to do these things to anyone. i really mean anyone, not just friends, not just nice people, even people who offend your mind.

as part of my internship, i have read hebrews, romans, acts, mark, matthew, john. hahaha! so nice right? i like hebrews and romans alot. i have talked to many people with uncle henry as well, these people are really having life tough, our natural society in singapore is sometimes really unkind to people like them yet we are called to love and show love to the unloved and honour the un-honourable and the weak. i sure anyone who has been on humanitarian trips will see the pain of the people living in conditions that are bad, no electricity, no water in small homes with no furniture. well such people do exist in Singapore and we really do not need to go to the ends of the earth to find them, whether or not it’s their fault that they have landed in this predicament is really of no concern we just show love, talk to them, pray for them even feed them. to me my paycheck from church is really mediocre, of no value. i feel that my greatest wage is the knowledge that even people who are not kingdom people see the ray of hope in God, although it may seem like lip service, my heart really wants to believe that they are really seeing the hope in God, in my Jesus, who really can save the whole world!  i want to believe in them when they see the hope in God that they can break free from the clutches of the evil one and really soar with God. KV once said something like this, when we see people we dont tell them they are dirt(aka shit) but we actually call out the GOLD in them making them realize that being created in the image of God we were built to ROCK! the BAD guy is really scared that we actually ROCK! I ROCK, I WANT YOU TO ROCK TOO! that’s why i believe in everyone. think about it imagine we could see what God sees in each of us and loves us for that, imagine if i could see like that i’d be so heart broken for the people of this world. how am i to love them so much? do i have that much love to give? God love me more so i can have the capacity to love others.

on a side note, i think i’m not over you, when i saw someone help you up, my heart skipped a beat, my mind went blank, i screwed up my song and my hands and feet suddenly felt like they were not mine. you still break my heart. you still do……. not meant to be understood, dont bother asking.

Goodnight wordpress. i love you

well hello wordpress, i’m back…

Alot has happened lately, i’m actually in the biggest war in my life, i’m really fighting very hard. now that i am sick it is a physical, mental, and really very much spiritual war. i must say i’m winning on some losing on some, i can’t possibly win all can i? but i’m sure one day i will, cos, “You make all things work together for my good. YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS!” recently i am reading matthew, the book, this verse struck me hard, “Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention.” Matthew 7:13-14 The Message. Total attention, how do i even dedicate such a thing to God when i have not known such a thing? But that is what God wants from us total undivided attention.

at this moment i’m very glad to be able to really just spend this time before my uni meaningfully, i’ve been through alot since the last post i realised that the last post was after YaYA camp, i was part of a very miraculous thailand mission trip, which was awesome, the only miracle we did not see was the rasing of the dead, the blind saw, the lame walked and the deaf heard. so glad and thankful for this opportunity. i really feel that all these events have just led to a build up of a greater appetite for more of God, and really wanting to seek his righteousness in my life. i want to grow bigger and become a giant for God. just being 185 is not enough for me i want to be 1000km tall in God’s kingdom.

Dear WordPress,

of late i have been attending seminars and conferences, seeing and hearing the supernatural happen before my very eyes. i mean, how cool is that. well i am pretty much fresh off a mission trip, fresh off a BSSM, fresh off YaYA Camp i think i’m really just on a spiritual high.

i’m thinking back this past few weeks, my ORD, and all these other events really made me busy. i just feel that i have been in alot of trouble with my heart lately too! i think i’m losing my grip on my life. like panels of my self built atap roof is slipping away with the flooring and walls, this huge tornado is really gonna tear my leafy house down. sarah recently shared about some fig leaf theory, like how adam and eve hid from the all seeing God. abit dumb but i guess, it was the only solace that they could find.

i’m feeling quite confused at the moment because, i have so many decisions to make studies, and emotions are running wild and i have no idea what to do. after leaving the army, there is a sudden lost of steady income, that’s abit alarming too!

i recently found myself in a crisis, i’m looking desperately for someone to love because, i realized that i’m letting the one i love slip away. this desperation is held back by my logic, being a very logical person, i am able to give myself 10000000 reasons not to move because of desperation, but i realized that this is an insatiable feeling and it has to be curbed.

my first love is slipping away through my fingers and i cannot say i have no more feelings, but the feelings are still very real but they are thinning away, i felt my gut crunch when typing that because this feeling i had was real and given a choice, i hoped it had a good future sadly none was seen, oppression, both internal and external factors caused my castle built with blood, sweat and tears crumble before my eyes like a castle of cards. traces of where the castle stood is seen by few cards that lie in the vicinity after a violent storm has struck. however, on my knees looking at the fallen castle, i find myself with friends who would be with me, asking me to stand up and look beyond this fallen castle, which hid meadows and green pastures. though my gut still crunches and will forever continue to twist and turn with the mention of this castle’s name, i will try to forge on this path.

recently i found 3 travel companions, the first is a warrior, never bowing to any challenge, and still going strong even though the heart is really weary and wrenched. encourages me, sorts my thoughts and even makes sure i am ok and walking strong on my own journey.

next is a being which really makes me smile, random, and warm, this is really what friend are made of. seems distant at times, but is actually nearer than it seems.

third is a new addition, this one i cant really describe yet. nice and warm and has a 4 letter initial which is really my companion separated by technology.

to the girl, you know how i feel about you, i dont think it will change anytime soon.

i’m quite confused writing this, so if you dont understand, it’s really ok.

MISTAKE #1: Being
Too Much Of A Nice Guy

Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted to “nice” guys?

Of course you have.

Just like me, I’m sure you’ve had attractive female friends that always seemed to date “jerks”… but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.

What’s going on here?

It’s actually very simple…

Women don’t base their choices of men on how “nice” a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Being nice doesn’t make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.

And being NICE doesn’t make a woman CHOOSE you.

I realize that this doesn’t make a lot of logical sense, and it’s hard to ACCEPT… but GET OVER IT.

Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you’ll NEVER have the success with women that you want.

MISTAKE #2: Trying To
“Convince Her To Like You”

What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like… but she’s just not interested?

Right! They try to “convince” the woman to feel differently.

Well, I have news for you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, EVER.

You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.

Think about it.

If a woman doesn’t “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being “reasonable” with her?

But we all do it.

When a woman just isn’t interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.

Bad idea. One that will never work.

MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her
For Approval Or Permission

In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman’s “approval” or “permission”.

Another HORRIBLE idea.

Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them… EVER.

Don’t get me wrong here.

You don’t have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.

But if you think that treating a woman well means “always getting her approval and permission for things”, think again.

You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.

Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her…

MISTAKE #4: Trying To Buy Her Affection With Food And Gifts

How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn’t treat her even HALF as well as you did?

If you’re like me, then you’ve had it happen a LOT.

Well guess what?

It’s only NATURAL when this happens…

That’s right, I said NATURAL.

When you do these things, you send a clear message:

“I don’t think you’ll like me for who I am, so I’m going to try to buy your attention and affection”.

Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That’s right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.

MISTAKE #5: Sharing
How You Feel Too Early In
The Relationship With Her

Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they “feel” too early on.

Attractive women are rare.

And they get a LOT of attention from men.

Most men don’t realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.

An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translates into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.

And guess what?

Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.

That’s right. They have EXPERIENCE.

They know what to expect.

And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.

This signals to the woman that you’re just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast… and can’t control themselves.

Don’t do it. Lean back. Relax.

There’s a much better way…

MISTAKE #6: Not Getting How Attraction Works For Women

Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.

You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.

But does the same apply for women?

Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.

Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?

Think about it.

Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men… and they’re attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.

If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

But it’s not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.

And ANY guy can learn how…

MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It
Takes Money And Looks

One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they’ve even gotten started… because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money… or guys who are a certain height… or guys who are a certain age.

And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.

But MOST women are far more interested in a man’s personality than his wallet or his looks.

There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet…

And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.

YOU DO NOT have to “settle” for a woman just because you aren’t rich, tall, or handsome.

Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly,you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

MISTAKE #8: Giving Away
All Of Your Power To Women

Earlier I mentioned that it’s a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.

Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.

Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.

Another bad idea…

Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren’t attracted to Wussies!

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women

Now I’m going to blow your mind…

A woman ALWAYS knows what you’re thinking.

Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That’s ten TIMES.

I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.

And if you don’t know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won’t help!

And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating…

Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical… everything.

If you don’t know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up… and LOSE EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW it.

It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman… from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP

This is the biggest mistake of all.

This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.

I know, guys don’t like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don’t like to ask for help.

lifted from some random site. haha. oops

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don’t focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don’t ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

cool?

Psalm 73: 23 – 28

²³Nevertheless I am continually with You; You do hold my right hand.

²⁴You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me to honor and glory.

²⁵Whom have I in heaven but You? And I have no delight or desire on earth besides You.

²⁶My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the Rock and firm Strength of my heart and my Portion forever.

²⁷For behold, those who are far from You shall perish; You will destroy all who are false to You and like [spiritual] harlots depart from You.

²⁸But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God and made Him my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.

today was one of the worst in my short life and i guess i met with my fair share of problems, wicky felt strange and sounded not like her usual self. my hands were getting cold, i was jumpy. bass on the system sounded bad. i completely noob out, i was crushed, i was looking forward to this practice all week yet i screwed it up. my heart was broken, my soul was perplexed, i wanted so much to just give up. i wanted to break down and cry. i really did. what happened?

i felt dry and empty. i’m still aching from the recent happenings of the week. i was let down so many times this week, up to this point i think i have felt so much disappointment i have lost count of the occassions, i’m feeling really sad now. God are you there? i’m sorry that it always has to come to this before i realise my mistakes. but i’m just very lost.