禱告 a prayer
禱告，因為我渺小；
禱告，因為我知道我需要明暸，你心意對我重要。
禱告，已假裝不了；
禱告，因為你的愛我需要；
你關懷，我走過的你都明白。
有些事我只想要對你說，因你比任何人都愛我；
痛苦從眼中流下，我知道你為我擦。
在早晨我也要來對你說，主耶穌今天我為你活；
所需要的力量你天天賜給我，你恩典夠我用。
sometimes i have to admit that, chinese songs convey the deepest aches of our hearts. it’s really a song that makes my heart sink. really. God, thank you for you. <3 teach me to pray and tell you what really drags me down. i’m really affected by happenings around me, it seems that lost-ness is really all around me, not enough love. God i want to love more. i know i owe the world an encounter of you. i want to see you work through me and around me.
post
After much complaining from friends, I have deicided to write a new blog post. Well, yesterday was pretty shitty. Today was good but very tiring. I’ll start with yesterday, it started of brilliant, my pretty girl came to pick me up to go to Ms T’s wedding! MY GOD was she pretty. I stunned for 5 seconds k. took to train, and yea happily along we went to the wedding, shit starting here, I almost spilled coffee all over my princess, I lost my temper, I had stomach pains, I was UPSET. But i finally couldn’t act anymore. Went for a walk, shitty Saturday. Not to be a spoil sport, but I was really happy for Ms T and Mr C, but sigh I hate drama. FUCK all you people who thrive on drama. =) you make my life sad. I just was a peaceful life. No drama please.
Then I had nice dinner at raffles. =)
important food vs un-important food.
I will come up with a ranking system soon.
Today! Brilliant seriously, I love this TMT team so KEWT all of them!
Hearts them many.
Well on a less event based blogging/wordpressing/journaling mode, I believe I like some gradual changes, yes I know, but I really like things that a consistent. Like, change is good when I want it. But when I’m not wanting it I rather it be slow and steady.
Notes to:
Lydia: I’m going TMT fo 8 days, I hope you sleep well and don’t miss me too much. Love you much, I’ll tell you all the stories when I come back.
Glenda: aiyo, jiayou lo, pray and fast. =D
Keith!: NANDO’s when I get back with darius!
Who else reads my blog seriously?
I HOPE TMT dec2010 will be full of wonder! =D
God I’m ready let’s GO!!!
grace. revelations after a nudge from alvin. :)
i learnt that grace is meant to be given to no limit, and we should never expect grace in return, that’s part of grace too like people can be mean, make wrong decisions & hurting us (not limited to these few things the list is inexhaustible), but we should always extend that grace to look over the hurt or even help them recify the wrong.
Luke 12: 40 – 59
-paraphrased-
Essentially, Jesus has entrusted us with grace and has put a duty of love on his people. wanting us his chosen people, his royal priesthood to love the unloved but are we really loving? are we really giving?
Well, for sure i know that i am not loving as hard as i can, i’m not giving as much as i can. I AM PREJUDICED. that’s definitely the truth i have in my heart. God has called me to love and to show Grace. but have a been that servant that is essentially not loving people, not giving people the extra grace. i think i will have to continue this lesson another time. God, i need to think more.
I DEFINITELY KNOW YOU LOVE ME! YAY GOD v(^^)V
lyrics to the family outing song.
English Translation
Whenever Jaesuk calls
I quickly get up and go
Without knowing where I’m going
One by one we find each other
With sleepy eyes half open
Such beautiful sights to see
Family has arrived
Restless, talkative Jaesuk-ie
Game Devil Stepmother Sooro
Recuperating middle aged Jongshin
Hmm~
The guys are all scared, Hyori-yah
Knife in hand Young Lady Yejin-ie
And so we make
A bond between us all
Wouuuooh~
Everyone: In no time our memories
Become like grandmother’s kimchi
One by one coming through in our little song
Oooouuuuooooh~
In no time we’re Family
I won’t ever forget you all
In the warm village
Sharing each passing season
When we hear our PD’s voice
shouting ’start the game!’
Our greed for body gags come out
The village chief gives us food
That we cook in many ways
Who’s going to get the table ready?
A day with the Family
Muscular chatterbox Jongkook-ie
With love in his small eyes
Can’t believe Clumsy Chunhee’s IQ is that high
Chunhee-ah!
Doesn’t have the eyes of an idol
Our young~est Daesung-ie
And so we make
A bond between us all
Everyone: In no time our memories
Become like grandmother’s kimchi
Accumulating mileage to go see each other
In no time we’re Family
I won’t ever forget you all
In the warm village
Sharing each passing season
In the warm village
Sharing each passing season
Chunhee-yah!
Eeh??…
hmmm.
What Happened to All the Nice Guys? I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the guys and ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
To the guys out there, you probably remember this pathetic person called the nice guy in your vicinity who would always be there for you. You often laughed at him for all the help he rendered cause he was way too much of an easy target for you. You could easily make use of him right under his nose without him even knowing. You know what, you were right. It doesn’t pay to be nice, cause the world deems ‘nice’ as a negative aspect in the social dictionary now. Mr. Nice Guy was there to help you out in times of need, cover your ass when you needed to be protected cause you were too busy partying last night, listen to you when you went on and on whining about how your girlfriend cheated on you, but at the end of the day did you recognize any of his deeds? You end up telling him he’s over-emotional by doing all those and should probably act like a man. You diss him off for being too nice and tell him to start having a mind of his own, after which you too unleashed your silent killer moves behind his back to have him clean up all your dirty laundry and tarnish his reputation. All this so you can get ahead in what you do. Ahh how convenient, Mr Nice Guy probably wouldn’t even suspect or place a finger on you cause he places all his trust on you as a pal.
You had to exacerbate the situation by telling Mr. Nice Guy that nice guys finish last in the race, and thanks to youthey probably have it drilled right into their heads now looking at the fact that they probably heard it a gazillion times to actually ignore that mindset. It subconsciously sank in and influenced their behaviours, so if you find yourself lacking someone to help you in dire times or play the role of Mr Nice Guy, you really shouldn’t blame him for changing and playing nasty. That’s awfully disgusting. Instead turn the finger on yourself, give yourself a resounding pat on the back and thank yourself for turning him into the guy that he is today. Get it, thank yourself.
So what happened to the nice guys out there? You did.
To the ladies out there, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were with treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behaviour was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren’t dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship.
So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. You rejected Mr Nice Guy cause you were afraid you would be laughed at. Afterall, when it comes down to having a boyfriend, the tall, goodlooking, charming, rich, stylish ones would more or less justify the type of social status you were at. You wanted to be high up the social ladder, no way would you swoop down to fit Mr Nice Guy. Ridiculous. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners specially for you, or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab a hold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If only you were five years younger …
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve screwed yourself up. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly as hell doesn’t want you, now.
Yours sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy.
PS this was lifted
well, i’m not gonna play on… i’d be happy for me. nothing’s gonna get me
so, twenty ten, you are finally here. sometimes, i’d rather not have ORDed. ahbollocks, i have so much emotions pent up and i’m not able to type it out, it’s so hard to really believe and trust people. i try to be trusting and kind, but i guess being those 2 at the same time is just retarded by logical man, it’s somewhat a perfect set up to get hurt. someone from faraway draws a knive, you know you’re gonna be hurting so you brace, someone beside draws a knife you think they gonna cook and make food. WRONG. STAB. STAB. STAB. oh. wait, blood? who are you? oh wait.
no.
i’m gone.
i know i’m hurt.
God took away the guilt.
when will the wounds close?
when will my eyes see?
most times, being bad and unkind sometimes is really easier. tempting prospects, happier. i dont know, but i’m sure old man called me to love. but with a heart comprising of 10 parts, how do i love? do i have enough redmass to consider applying for a heart permit. falling asleep on a broken heart seems to be the norm these days for me. sometimes putting on a front does ease the pain from the outside in, sometimes the brokeness from the inside seeps out.
oh my! i’m at 1 health! anyone has a med-pack?
-dead silence-
i find me, alone. gvdl pgg cjbudi! j epo’u offe zpv!
parody
hello wordpress,
i’m feeling sad and empty, drained and dry, i miss being sopping wet in God’s presence. i think i’m in a desert now, with many people alongside me, good thing they are there or i’d just give up and let the hot sands cook me and the dry heat roast me to a nice golden brown texture. i guess sometimes head knowledge can only pull you up that much after that it’s all just gibberish. like quoting bible verses to me, telling me what God thinks of me. i want something tangible to just squeeze life back into me! guess what, i think freedom isnt all it’s cooked up to be, afer i ORD, after i done my internship freedom just means more rest. that’s all there is to it. nothing more. which to me is kinda boring. i rather have goals and things i feeling like doing. meeting up with friends over coffee/ beer/ alcohol is really another nice thing i like to do. i mean friends is something i love having, no matter where they are from their backgrounds, i just like talking to them, being part of their life.
i’m at a point of my life known as a decision making point. i guess
girls
and boys. just so troublesome sometimes. i feel like a driftwood.
not meant to be understood.
Seems like everyone else has a love just for them,
I don’t mind, we have such a good time,
My best friend, but sometimes, well,
I wish we could be more than friends,
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
Oh..
I get so breathless, when you call my name,
I’ve often wondered, do you feel the same?
There’s a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity
When we’re all alone,
So don’t tell me
You can’t see
What I’m thinking of.
I can understand that you don’t want to cross the line,
And you know i can’t promise you things,
Will turn out fine,
But i have to be honest, I want you to be mine
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
Oh…
I get so breathless, when you call my name,
I’ve often wondered, do you feel the same?
There’s a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity
When we’re all alone,
So don’t tell me
You can’t see
Oh!
‘Cause I’ve tried to do this right in your own time
I’ve been telling with my eyes, my heart’s on fire,
Why don’t you realise?
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
I get so breathless…
who are you? my miss right? God help me….
theintern
hello wordpress,
i’m back! well i was recently asked by some friends to actually blog about my internship. i would actually, i am really starting to realize that the church is really no different to any other organization. there will always be irritating people present, there is no perfect organization. even a pastor somewhere once said, if you have no problems in your church, your church is bad is bad for you LEAVE immediately! either that, or you are just simply delusional. so i’m starting to see this. i’m glad i’m in a proper church, there are problems. i’m glad i have no negative feelings, but i guess in the midst of the matter/ situation it’s different. but then again i’m not one to bear much grudges. the biggest difference in the church is that everyone has one common culture, we are all royalty in the kingdom ushering God’s love to the people of this sunny island. we do what we do because of love. i really understand how this love is translated, honouring others, confronting people, God’s love allows us to do these things to anyone. i really mean anyone, not just friends, not just nice people, even people who offend your mind.
as part of my internship, i have read hebrews, romans, acts, mark, matthew, john. hahaha! so nice right? i like hebrews and romans alot. i have talked to many people with uncle henry as well, these people are really having life tough, our natural society in singapore is sometimes really unkind to people like them yet we are called to love and show love to the unloved and honour the un-honourable and the weak. i sure anyone who has been on humanitarian trips will see the pain of the people living in conditions that are bad, no electricity, no water in small homes with no furniture. well such people do exist in Singapore and we really do not need to go to the ends of the earth to find them, whether or not it’s their fault that they have landed in this predicament is really of no concern we just show love, talk to them, pray for them even feed them. to me my paycheck from church is really mediocre, of no value. i feel that my greatest wage is the knowledge that even people who are not kingdom people see the ray of hope in God, although it may seem like lip service, my heart really wants to believe that they are really seeing the hope in God, in my Jesus, who really can save the whole world! i want to believe in them when they see the hope in God that they can break free from the clutches of the evil one and really soar with God. KV once said something like this, when we see people we dont tell them they are dirt(aka shit) but we actually call out the GOLD in them making them realize that being created in the image of God we were built to ROCK! the BAD guy is really scared that we actually ROCK! I ROCK, I WANT YOU TO ROCK TOO! that’s why i believe in everyone. think about it imagine we could see what God sees in each of us and loves us for that, imagine if i could see like that i’d be so heart broken for the people of this world. how am i to love them so much? do i have that much love to give? God love me more so i can have the capacity to love others.
on a side note, i think i’m not over you, when i saw someone help you up, my heart skipped a beat, my mind went blank, i screwed up my song and my hands and feet suddenly felt like they were not mine. you still break my heart. you still do……. not meant to be understood, dont bother asking.
Goodnight wordpress. i love you
yes, my very rare post
well hello wordpress, i’m back…
Alot has happened lately, i’m actually in the biggest war in my life, i’m really fighting very hard. now that i am sick it is a physical, mental, and really very much spiritual war. i must say i’m winning on some losing on some, i can’t possibly win all can i? but i’m sure one day i will, cos, “You make all things work together for my good. YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS!” recently i am reading matthew, the book, this verse struck me hard, “Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention.” Matthew 7:13-14 The Message. Total attention, how do i even dedicate such a thing to God when i have not known such a thing? But that is what God wants from us total undivided attention.
at this moment i’m very glad to be able to really just spend this time before my uni meaningfully, i’ve been through alot since the last post i realised that the last post was after YaYA camp, i was part of a very miraculous thailand mission trip, which was awesome, the only miracle we did not see was the rasing of the dead, the blind saw, the lame walked and the deaf heard. so glad and thankful for this opportunity. i really feel that all these events have just led to a build up of a greater appetite for more of God, and really wanting to seek his righteousness in my life. i want to grow bigger and become a giant for God. just being 185 is not enough for me i want to be 1000km tall in God’s kingdom.
